Stayed

Picture Courtesy of Me

Today marked a very important moment for me. I have in the past made it known that I am not the "stay-at-home" kind. I am to obsessive and social, and I love to go and do fun things. I found it hard to calm the urge to go, go, go when Little was born and therefor I spent the first 9 months of his life traveling everyday to the nearby city where my parents and siblings live and wandering from house to house visiting and inhabiting their homes. I enjoyed this time with my sisters and parents and found that I was building relationships with them that had dwindled since I'd been married and moved away for two years and it was a nice feeling to have that closeness.

As Little grew bigger it became harder to relax in those moments and carting him around at a near 20 lbs. in a carseat became a drag (literally). Little was more active, invasive, and downright curious about everything and it was becoming easier to have him at home in the evening with his own toys and his comfortable surroundings and the two people who love him most. I decided that I would try a little experiment and see how I liked being a "stay-at-home" gal. Especially after I talked to one of the husbands good friends, who is my inherited good friend and it seemed as though we had so much in common and she still liked to stay home and care for her little girl. So I thought, "Heck, why not me?!" and I gave it a whirl. I started to stay home 2 days a week.

The first day was wonderful, Little and I slept in and I got up and cleaned the house and the Husband was shocked at the beauty of his home when he returned that evening. It was a nice feeling. The second night was a late night at school for the Husband, and by the time he returned I was all tuckered out and Little'd out for that matter. I wondered if this was the path for me, maybe noone would ever understand the solitude and quiet that I did not desire and the adult interaction that I craved. The funny thing was, when I went "into town" the next time, it held less appeal. I could feel the irritation rising that I was not at my own house with my own Little, and all the things that make him happy and comfortable.

I am now making the choice to stay at home 3 days a week and if I can make that more frequent I am happy to. I still travel in to see my family 2 days a week at least and I have my gym membership and weight watchers. So I am there frequently, but not yearning and craving it like I used to.

So today I made the choice that when Little fell asleep on my chest, at 12 months old, a rarety in any case, to put aside my tasks that I had set out for myself and let my son sleep on me for nearly 2 hours. It was BLISS! I miss those moments when I got to hold him as he slept deeply and sweetly for hours and needed me and cuddled. He is turning into a little rough and tumble boy and I stole a moment (a long moment) to be with my little one and savor the sweetness of infancy that will never return as he grows older.

When he woke up I took him to the park and we sat on a swing together and showed him how it worked and then I took him down the slide and played with him on the playground. I appreciate every stage he goes through, and savor every moment. And now I can say "I so AM the "stay-at-home" kind of girl."