A Quarter Century

Today I turned a quarter century old....

25

Did I ever think I would struggle with some of the same feelings of getting old and being behind that I've heard others talk about - no. But alas I do struggle with all those same feelings and for some reason birthday #25 is kind of lame.

Reality Check

After last weeks fertility drama and finding out that there are just lots of hormones raging in my system that are causing most of my anxious feelings I have moved into a new phase of existence. I am trying to want only what god wants for me. The Husband and I have rebudgeted for the next year and found a new living space. We move in two weeks! We are now closer to all the places we need to be. And the blessings just keep pouring in, the Husband has found more opportunities to work in the fall making life much less stressful.

I just finished another Illustrator class from Alma and it was wonderful! It further convinced me that I want to really pursue my graphic design interests and I am working on a few projects to try and get my name out there. I love it, I just have to pace myself and not try and do everything at once... I'm just working consistently at trying to achieve the things I want. I'm attending a Kirtsy Hands On workshop tonight and looking forward to networking with some great women.

My name is not Myrtle

Fertility is a sore subject around my house these days. I guess not really sore as much as a seriously depressing and tumultuous subject that has deeply ingrained itself in my day to day. When I go out I see pregnant people everywhere. And I have made a victory in my life - I am no longer angry at all the pregnant people - just insanely jealous and sad that it is not meant for me at this time. I love seeing all the babies and holding their sweet, tiny bodies. Sometimes it even seems as though it would be nice to take a baby home after a miraculously short gestation, without doing 9 months of work beforehand.

For me it seems as though I must put in double duty, I must go through a serious 18 month to 2 year process of finding the problem spots in my fertility and addressing them one by one. I admit I only have one point of reference for this and now the continued struggle to get pregnant and have a child. We're 7 months in and it does not seem as though it is looking up. We know (the Husband and I) that it will happen when it is meant to. But in my life I find it hard to be patient and wait for blessings to be bestowed. I want them signed, sealed, delivered - Yesterday.

Today I have an appointment to find out the next step in the process. I'll be interested to find out what I'll be in for. It could be more waiting, it could be tests, or medications, or who knows what. We'll see what happens and in the meantime I will remain, as I have heard doctors say in the past, cautiously optomistic. I will also refrain from referring to myself as Fertile Myrtle.

All Dressed Up

**UPDATE**

If you would like to enter to win a dress from Shabby Apple, visit this link:

Marseilles Dress SHABBY APPLE GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

I am in love with these dresses! They are by Shabby Apple.

(Spotted via {No Sex in the City} and {CJane})

I am a vintage clothing lover at heart and these dresses just feed the need.

If anyone has the desire to purchase one of these for me ;) I won't complain at all!

The silhouettes are so flattering and beautiful. I just can't get enough!

.....One of each please?

click on the pictures above to go to retailer.

Fly, Blackbird, Fly

I want this.... Just thought I'd let the world know!

The Blackbird, fly is a twin-lens reflex camera: one lens is used to expose the film, while the other is used like a viewfinder. It’s a famous style of camera whose history stretches back to the 1920s. The Blackbird, fly uses 35mm film.(Details taken from here where you can also purchase said camera)

Via {Oh Happy Day}

Sleep is over rated

That is what Little thought on our trip south this weekend. On Sunday night we put him to bed in the hotel and he seemed to go to bed without any problem. We didn't know at that point that he would wake up at 3:30 a.m. and think it was play time. He started talking in his crib at the end of our bed and we thought maybe if we just ignored him he would fall back asleep. Boy were we wrong! He played peacefully in his crib until about 4:15 and then he popped his head above the top of the crib smiling and we couldn't control our laughter and then he REALLY thought it was play time! Soon he had grabbed the remote and played with it just enough to accidentally turn on a hockey game that was on t.v.!

He played in our bed until about 5:00 then Sister 5(A) and I took him downstairs and got him "Cheese", this is what he calls food. We played in the lobby of the hotel until 6:30 and then returned to our room to wake up Husband and Boyfriend of Sister 5 with the racket of Little as we tried unsuccessfully to get him back to sleep. He finally fell asleep at 7:30 as Husband was getting up to shower. It made for a very tired Little and very tired parents as we went about our Memorial Day activities. It probably didn't help that we named ourselves the sick room as we were all coughing and sniffing all night long and disturbing Little.

When we got him back into his own space he was back to his own old routine of sleeping 11 hours a night and two naps a day. Thank heavens for a routine and familiar places.

Memories of Memorial Day 2009

Small basket arrangment by Me. Picture by Me.

Memorial Day was a blast! We had fun putting together the flower arrangments and we are streamlining the process quite well, it didn't take near as long as it has in the past and we had lots of family to talk to and exciting marriage announcements from cousins, lots of little ones running around and I got to have a great talk with my cousin who like me, struggles with infertility. It was great to talk with her and get her perspective on the whole process of childbirth or wanting a child.

We came home worn out and ready to be back in our own space. But we enjoyed all the family and a little of the good food :). And I cried during Taps (you know, the bugle song - hormones! and memories!)

The very beatiful arrangment for my grandparents grave, created by Sister 2 (M).

Picture by Husband.

Wreath for the Fallen Soldier. Picture by Husband.