Reality Check

After last weeks fertility drama and finding out that there are just lots of hormones raging in my system that are causing most of my anxious feelings I have moved into a new phase of existence. I am trying to want only what god wants for me. The Husband and I have rebudgeted for the next year and found a new living space. We move in two weeks! We are now closer to all the places we need to be. And the blessings just keep pouring in, the Husband has found more opportunities to work in the fall making life much less stressful.

I just finished another Illustrator class from Alma and it was wonderful! It further convinced me that I want to really pursue my graphic design interests and I am working on a few projects to try and get my name out there. I love it, I just have to pace myself and not try and do everything at once... I'm just working consistently at trying to achieve the things I want. I'm attending a Kirtsy Hands On workshop tonight and looking forward to networking with some great women.

My name is not Myrtle

Fertility is a sore subject around my house these days. I guess not really sore as much as a seriously depressing and tumultuous subject that has deeply ingrained itself in my day to day. When I go out I see pregnant people everywhere. And I have made a victory in my life - I am no longer angry at all the pregnant people - just insanely jealous and sad that it is not meant for me at this time. I love seeing all the babies and holding their sweet, tiny bodies. Sometimes it even seems as though it would be nice to take a baby home after a miraculously short gestation, without doing 9 months of work beforehand.

For me it seems as though I must put in double duty, I must go through a serious 18 month to 2 year process of finding the problem spots in my fertility and addressing them one by one. I admit I only have one point of reference for this and now the continued struggle to get pregnant and have a child. We're 7 months in and it does not seem as though it is looking up. We know (the Husband and I) that it will happen when it is meant to. But in my life I find it hard to be patient and wait for blessings to be bestowed. I want them signed, sealed, delivered - Yesterday.

Today I have an appointment to find out the next step in the process. I'll be interested to find out what I'll be in for. It could be more waiting, it could be tests, or medications, or who knows what. We'll see what happens and in the meantime I will remain, as I have heard doctors say in the past, cautiously optomistic. I will also refrain from referring to myself as Fertile Myrtle.